Friday, January 28, 2011

When the smallest thing moves us in the biggest ways.

It's when the snow falls that you can hear the sound of the whole entire universe. It's when the smallest thing moves us in the biggest ways. When your breath can be stolen by something that may go completely unnoticed by everyone else. There, in the moments between moments, the distance from snowflake to Earth, is the reason why we're here. It's up to us to choose to fill those moments, that distance, with positivity and love, not hate and negativity. There is so much cynicism and pessimism in the world, why on earth would we add to it?

-Tyler Knott

Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Sight of the Stars Makes Me Dream

I miss the stars. In Hamilton, they’re nothing but a few dim pin pricks here and there in the murky city sky. I miss home, on the South Bruce Peninsula, where the stars glitter in the darkness like billions of spilled diamonds.

I’m obsessed. Most of you wouldn’t know that I’m a member of the Royal Astronomical Society of Canada. I used to get sent thick books on the latest night sky news. The best were the Star Maps, where depending on what season it was, it would tell you the location of the constellations and planets that were visible at that time.

My dad and I would drag a mattress down from our cottage and put it on the dock. Then we’d map out my favourite constellations, like Cassiopeia, Orion, Scorpius, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, and read about their Greek origins. We’d find galaxies, and prominent stars like Alpha Centauri and Polaris (the North Star). We’d count all the shooting stars that we saw, and I’d show off my knowledge of the meteoroid turning into a meteor as it entered Earth’s atmosphere. We’d track satellites. We’d try to differentiate between satellites and space junk. We’d study the moon with binoculars. I asked millions of questions about time travel and black holes and aliens and light speed. I was dying to figure out its mysteries.

The night sky is fascinating. I think the part that captivates me the most is how small Earth is in comparison. We’re nothing. Literally, we’re a speck of dust in the Sahara desert. Yet somehow, we’re here, alive, and loved. It doesn’t make sense for God to care about us, but he does. It’s a beautiful thing.   

I think my infatuation with the stars as a child has turned me into the person I am today. Outdoorsy, I guess you could say, and living in the city this year is beginning to feel like I’m trapped in a suburban cage. (Not that I don’t appreciate this experience.)

I’m the kind of girl who never wears shoes in the summer, prefers cut off jeans and old t-shirts over fancy clothes, and loves sleeping outdoors rather than in a bed. While a lot of kids my age are out in clubs, my idea of fun is paddling through Muskoka’s back country lakes, or hiking steep trails, exploring caves, visiting quiet coffee shops, reading on porch swings… I think you get the picture.

The stars have taught me to appreciate life for what it really is; full of mystery and desperately wanting to be discovered. I’m not going to waste it by being cooped up in a prestigious office building or partying with people who are trapped in a high school mind set.

I can’t wait to move home this summer because I feel like the city is causing me to slightly lose myself. Being here gives me maturity, but it takes a toll too. Am I the only one who feels this way? I don’t know how people can live their entire lives within the concrete and smog and overpopulation. There is man-made beauty here, but that can only satisfy me for so long.

The end of April couldn’t come too soon…

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

That Awkward Moment When...

(These are all true stories that I've experienced.)

You find out a girl on your camping trip in grade nine is wanted by the Venezuelan mafia.

You congratulate someone on being pregnant, aaaand they’re not.

You try to make a casual conversation with the guy beside you and end up saying “looks like the sun decided to shart stain” instead of “start shining.” fml

You accidentally call your little sister a “royal pee-ness” in front of a group of young construction workers. You meant to mix the words “pee” and “highness” together. Didn’t turn out so well.

You go to get a chest X Ray and your hospital gown falls off in front of a group of interns because you didn’t know how to tie it up. Then you get locked in the bathroom when you run away to go fix it and they have to let you out with a key.

Your horse’s name was Honey at camp, and you croon away to it saying “aww Honey has it been a long day?” and one of the guy volunteers thinks you’re talking to him.

You stand up and start walking to the front of the school to accept an award, which actually wasn’t for you.

You face plant a lot.

You’re at a prayer meeting with 20 people and you have uncontrollable laughter, completely ruining the time with your gasping and snorting.

You’re at a funeral for someone you don’t know and your mom makes you and your sister stay in the back room of the church. It has giant mirrors, and you spend the entire time making faces and dancing obnoxiously only to realize later it’s actually tinted windows into the sanctuary and people could see you.

Your littlest sister tells her teachers that you’re pregnant in grade 6. They call your mom.

Your cheerleading team wears fake curly hair ponytails for competitions, and during one competition 5 of them fall out leaving mounds of hair all over the stage.

You’re performing at a dance recital as a zombie and your pants fall down.

You get mistaken for a boy.

You hug the wrong person at a store, thinking it’s your dad.
You accidentally say “Fart on me” instead of “pardon me” to your boyfriend’s mom who you just met.

You joke around and tell a kid there’s a beast hiding under her porch. She cries for the rest of the night.

You and your sister put a little girl on a chair and then pick the chair up and lift it over your heads… the chair tips forward and she falls off 6 feet. She cries for hours.

You then proceed to break the chair because your sister sits on it and the back snaps off. It was the girl’s favourite chair. She cries more.

Sometimes you’d rather spend time with your goats than your friends.

You’ve almost been legit kidnapped, twice.

You tell someone your favourite song is 'Jar of Farts' instead of  'Jar of Hearts'.

Monday, January 10, 2011

A Fun Little Fact

If you knew me when I was younger, like, really knew me, I probably told you about my dream to patent a flavour of gum I came up with. What flavour, you may ask?  Wash cloth flavour. I'm not even kidding.

When I was young, I found it so comforting to get a freshly washed wash cloth, run it under hot water, and chew on it. So gross now that I look back on it. But soo good. You know how when you walk past a house and out of a pipe there is steam, and the steam smells delicious? Like laundry? That's exactly what the wash cloth tasted like. So I thought that a wash cloth flavour of gum would sell like hot cakes.

That dream is gone, obviously. BUT the most amazing thing happened to me the other day. I bought a flavour of tea called Chamomile Nights - Bedtime Blend by Stash Premium. And I've been addicted to it. So addicted that once I chewed on the tea bag after I finished the tea (I literally sound like I'm mentally ill. I swear I'm not.)

And then it hit me. This tea tastes exactly like my hot wash cloth as a kid! No wonder I'm obsessed. And chew on the bag. I urge everyone to go and buy it. It's honestly the most soothing flavour that exists. And now I can have the comfort of my childhood wash cloth without looking like I belong in an institute.

Taylor Rebecca

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Past Few Days...

I haven’t been very inspired lately. It’s been sort of a rough past few days. I really try to focus on the beauty in life, and how lucky I am, but sometimes that gets exhausting when you’re genuinely hurt or mad or sad or worried or stressed. Sometimes it just feels good to cry and feel sorry for yourself.

Do you want to know how it started? I saw some girl puke a few days ago. Yep, that sounds ridiculous, I know. But here’s the story; I went downtown Hamilton to look at a few things. I ended up venturing east down King Street, past Jackson Square, where it gets increasingly sketchy with each block you go. I started feeling uneasy, and decided to turn back. I crossed the road to the other side of King where the businesses are abandoned and not as many people walk the sidewalks. It was dark, even for , and cold.

I’m a small town girl. I’m used to walking down sidewalks, recognizing most of the people I see, and even if I don’t, I smile and they smile back. I feel safe back at home. I don’t feel like I’m going to mugged or hassled or yelled at or pushed.

But anyways, on the doorstep of one of the abandoned buildings, this girl is standing with her boyfriend. They look homeless. She looks, well, really ill. She looks cold and sad. She looks like she might be drunk or stoned or under some kind of influence. All of a sudden she throws up, everywhere. And she’s screaming and coughing from deep in her chest and puking all of the place. And I’m right there.

I picked up my pace and pretended I didn’t just witness that. Her boyfriend looked so upset and embarrassed for her. The weirdest thing happened to me while she was getting sick though. It’s like I went numb, and then my chest started hurting, and I just wanted to cry. Like, lie down on the sidewalk in the fetal position and cry, as PMS as that sounds.

 Then as I kept walking, still shaky, I saw two puppies tied together and chained to a door. Some homeless guy was sitting with them and asking for spare change. I didn’t have any. The sight made me want to cry even more. I literally had a lump in my throat and my eyes were stinging. I’m feeling that way again as I write this.

Once I turned off of King onto James, I heard two men shouting. One yelled “HEY, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING!” I thought he was talking to me so I turned around. It was two guys about to fight, or so I thought. The one guy pulled out a ratty newspaper and held it up in front of their faces. They then proceeded to exchange what I can only imaging was drugs.

I took off, praying they wouldn’t kill me for watching them. Finally when I made it back to my apartment twenty minutes later I locked the door and cried for a solid amount of time. I missed home so much. I didn’t want to be in this stupid city anymore. Why did I come here in the first place? I don’t belong at all, I’m way too sensitive and get upset too easily. I’m not tough. I’m weak.

Anyways, after a good cry I always feel better. It puts things into perspective. I moved here because I wanted to grow up. I wanted to experience life on my own, pay my own bills, call my own shots. I wanted to further my photography knowledge. I do like it here. I have great friends at McMaster, Josh lives here, the girls I work with at Sirens are awesome and fascinating and absolutely gorgeous. Yes, Hamilton isn’t the most glorious place to live, but I’m getting stronger and braver by being in it. Slowly, at least.

That night things got bad again. I won’t bore you with details, but since then I’ve had my fair share of crying sessions. I had one this morning too. I hate being like this. I went to work today and when I looked in the mirror I had mascara all over my cheeks that I didn’t notice before. Great. I pretended it was from the cold making my eyes water. I don’t like to let other people see me upset.

I ate some delicious grilled cheese for dinner tonight. I will drink chamomile tea. I recently bought some O.P.I. nail polish as a little pick-me-up, so I’m going to paint my nails in Panda-Monium Pink. I’ll watch the Shaytards. Josh will come over after the hockey game and hug me. Things get better.

This has been a weird few days. I’ll be back to my regular self soon.

Taylor Rebecca.